Wanting Out

by Erotickynk

Siobhan is dying and Brandon has tied me up for interfering. It’s true I came here of my own free will, and it’s true that I told Brandon I wanted him to help me die, and it’s true that when I got here I was aroused by Brandon’s promise that he could make sure we both died cumming, and it’s true that I said I understood there was no turning back once he started. But it’s also true that when the reality hit me I changed my mind.

There are a thousand places I’d rather be right now besides being tied up in Brandon’s suicide room, sitting on a filthy mattress that reeks of cunt and asshole. I know that some of the wet spots I can feel under my bare bum are mine. Some are Siobahn’s and one is Brandon’s.

I did my best to talk Siobahn and Brandon out of it, but it was too late and he said he believed in assisted suicide and was going to help her end her life. But I have to admit that despite being more scared than I ever have been in my life, watching Siobhan die is arousing me - not because he is killing her, but because she wants it so bad. She’s struggling for air and she could easily rip the plastic bag off her head but she doesn’t. Each time I see the panic rising in her and her hands reach up toward her face, she lowers them and lets the Magic Wand pull her down into another orgasm.

The other thing that is arousing me I can’t help; Brandon stuffed a vibrator into my rectum after he tied me up and it’s buzzing in there, making me squirm and leak. My cunt feels swollen and hot and I want to cum too.

Siobahn and I are students who aren’t doing well in school. Being on our own at university was the first time either of us has been away from home. What brought us together was failing our statistics course. When I saw my final grade on the notice board and as I was doing my best not to cry, I saw Siobahn trying to brush away her own tears.

We found comfort in each other, by going out for a coffee and commiserating. Like me, this was the third first-year course Siobahn failed. So basically we both had totally fucked up our first year at school. Our parents were disappointed in us and our future looked grim - saddled with student debt and doomed to try to find some minimum wage job to pay back our loans.

That afternoon we graduated from coffee to tequila and our moods evolved from sadness, to ‘fuck it’, to ‘what the fuck is there left to live for?’

We joked about marrying young, popping out kids, and getting fat as our husbands cheated on us until we finally killed ourselves. But what started as a joke left us crying and hugging each other, both feeling hopeless and crippled with a sadness that we’d never felt before. We discovered that both our lives had been good until we moved away from home and went to school. We’d both been raped by naively putting ourselves in harm’s way, and since then we couldn’t concentrate on school and were shamed as sluts on campus and social media. Life had become dark and depressing.

“If this is life, I want out.” Siobahn said, and - at the time - I agreed.

That’s when Siobahn told me about Brandon.

The thought of having a kind man help us die was arousing at that moment, and learning that he would help us cum as we died turned us both on so much.

Siobahn is cumming now as she gasps for air and Brandon works her cunt with the Magic Wand vibrator and his fingers. I can smell her arousal and the sharp skunky fear-sweat from her armpits. She’s aroused and scared all at the same time and I hope she is getting what she wants.

We talked about that; the blend of fear and being horny as we were helped to suicide - how it would feel; when would the arousal and orgasms make the fear go away?; in the end would we know we were dying?

I think Siobahn is there. She’s grinding her crotch against the Magic Wand and obviously cumming, but every few seconds her eyes flash open and I can see the terror in them. But each time the orgasm wins and she’s back to looking like she’s euphoric. So the fear never quite goes away. But is that a bad thing?

I remember the night at a campus party sneaking off to a bedroom with a guy I just met. I was really drunk and I wanted to fuck him, but when he closed the bedroom door and pushed me down onto the bed, I saw that there were five other guys in there with us. I got scared and stayed scared, but even with the fear I had orgasms with all six guys - even with the guy who choked me as he fucked me.

After they left me there I pulled on my jeans and top, and took my panties and bra that had both been ripped off me and snuck out of the party. When I got back to my dorm room I saw that the crotch of my jeans was a slimy mess of clotting cum. I had just been gang-banged against my will, but I lay in my bed while my roommate slept and masturbated to three more orgasms that night. The fear had made my arousal more intense. I still get a little flutter deep in my lower belly when I think about that night.

And when I masturbate, I still think about it - using dildos in my rectum and my cunt, and even down my throat - so I can bring back all those feelings.

I guess I'm a pretty fucked up girl.

When Siobahn first told Brandon that she wanted to be bagged, she seemed so assertive, arguing with me about wanting to die, even getting mad at me. But when Brandon tied her to the chair and slipped the bag over her head and tightened the strap around her throat she looked scared.

In a way I admire her bravery; she knew she was going to die and was scared as hell, but she went through with it anyway. It was when Brandon was tightening the strap that I first started to smell the sharp skunky armpit fear-sweat from her. She was so scared, the smell filled the room, overpowering the sex smells from the mattress, but she was determined not to fight it.

When we first got here, Brandon played with us sexually and urged us to play with each other. “It’s easier if you’re horny” he told us. He said that he had helped a lot of other girls from the university get sexed up and die in this room. As a kind of foreplay, he described different ways they had died; bagging; hanging; strangling; impalement; and even gutting. One girl, he said, had him give her a huge enema until her belly was bloated and tight, then open her up with a special knife to let her intestines sploosh out all over the floor. He said he fist-fucked her after so she died cumming. He even showed us the knife - it’s called a gut-hook and cuts skin, fat, and muscles without hurting your insides. I thought about doing it that way, but the pain scared me off - I didn’t know how much it would hurt, but the thought was exciting and perverse.

But we did get aroused and we did play. Brandon brought out his collection of sex toys and used them on us. I asked him if they had been sanitized after other girls used them and he asked me if it really mattered. I guess he was right; if we were going to die anyway, what difference did it make if we caught some creepy sex disease?

Siobahn and I both got fucked by Brandon, and she even fucked me with a strap-on that was bigger than Brandon’s cock. I came three times and Siobahn came twice, and Brandon came in my mouth and I gagged it up onto the mattress.

It was during the pre-snuff sex - that’s what Brandon called it, saying it was the best sex because there was no guilt and so what if we got pregnant? - I started having misgivings. I started to think about all the things I was going to miss out on; my family; maybe turning university around; getting engaged; getting married; traveling to places I wanted to visit. I wanted to tell them I changed my mind and ask Siobahn to leave with me, but I remember Brandon telling us that once we were in his snuff room there was no turning back. He said he provides a compassionate service, but if he gets caught he’ll be labeled a serial killer and spend the rest of his life in prison.

While Siobahn and Brandon talked about snuff methods and how other girls took them, I carefully - at least I thought I was being careful - slipped my phone out of my purse and started to dial 911. I only managed the 9 and the first 1 before Brandon snatched it out of my hand.

“Little bitch.” he said and took some cord and tied my hands behind my back. I started to plead with Siobahn to please change her mind so we could both leave, but she shook her head and watched me get tied up.

“You’re making a big mistake, Krysee.” she said calmly as Brandon gagged me with a strip of cloth, then rolled me onto my side and pushed a vibrator right up into my rectum - the feeling of my asshole closing over the end felt good, despite my fear. And the buzzing in my bowels made my cunt get oily and hot.

After Siobahn was bagged and was breathing heavily, I could see she was still scared, but she pushed past it and spread her legs wide for Brandon to work her cunt with the Magic Wand.

It didn’t take long for her to start cumming, and it made me remember my forced gang-bang and how scared I was but how fast I started cumming. I guess she was feeling all the emotions I did that night; scared shitless, but just surrendering to it and letting the raw pleasure take over as cock after cock ripped into me and filled me with cum.

Siobahn lasted a long time and I lost count of how many times she had an orgasm. But now her movements are getting spastic, and her breathing more desperate. She’s choking on the bag and her eyes are rolling back in her head. I wonder if she’ll just stop breathing when she dies but just then she starts to kick and move erratically on the chair, clattering the chair legs on the floor. Her breathing is now uneven and scary sounding. Her body is convulsing and I realize she’s having a seizure. This is it, Siobahn is dying for real - the long desperate minutes without oxygen has caused brain damage. Despite her convulsions, her pelvis keeps curling to grind her cunt against the Magic Wand so the animal part of her brain is still working, craving one more orgasm.

The Magic Wand is a plug-in vibrator, but the batteries died in the one deep in my rectum a few minutes ago, so now it just feels like a dead lump inside me. Siobahn is making disturbing wet sounds and her body is stretching and becoming rigid. Oh gawd, how long can this go on?

The end, when it comes, comes suddenly; Siobahn’s eyes roll up until only the white shows then she suddenly slumps limp in the chair.

I watch as Brandon turns the Magic Wand off and sets it down. Then he gently removes the strap from Siobahn’s throat and the bag from off her head. He tenderly wipes the drool from her chin with a handkerchief. She looks peaceful, her head sagged to one side, her eyes staring, her face relaxed. Siobahn looks more beautiful now that she’s dead - her worry lines gone, her mouth soft, and her body relaxed and flaccid.

Brandon stands and stares at me.

“Figured out how you would have gone out?” he asks after a moment.

“No.” I answer and hear the weakness and the exhaustion in my voice, “You shouldn’t have done that.”

“Look how miserable this one was.” he motions to Siobahn.

“She didn’t know what she wanted.” I mutter.

“She knew what she wanted.” Brandon says as he loops a long rope through a steel ring in the ceiling.

“She was happy ...” I say lamely, knowing it is a lie.

“But she wasn’t.” Brandon asserts as he ties a loop in one end of the rope, “So instead of forcing her to fight through it, with years of depression, anxiety, and angst and all that ... why not just let her go. It’s her choice. It’s her life.”

I shake my head, not wanting to accept the truth in his words.

“Who are you to say her life is worth living?” Brandon asks as he drops the loop over my head.

“Well then just let me go.” I whimper, fighting back tears, knowing what’s coming.

“Oh no.” Brandon says as he snugs up the loop around my throat, positioning the knot on the back of my neck, “No. You know, I think for your deceit I’m going to hang you.”

A huge wave of tingling panic washes up my body from my thighs to the back of my neck. I feel cold and sick to my stomach.

“That way you suffer the long strangle to your death.” he said as he stepped back and took hold of the other end of the rope. I start to sob, but it’s cut short as I am lifted from the mattress by my throat. As my feet clear the floor I feel the loop tighten and hear crackling sounds from my trachea as it is crushed while a strong wave of pins-and-needles feeling rushes through my body - part of it from pressure on my nerves part pure terror. Fuck! I’m going to die! My throat is aching bad and I feel my face swell as my heart slams blood upward trying to keep me alive. The rope slides up and presses hard against my gag reflex and my stomach convulses inside me, vomit rushing up my gullet to be stopped by the tight constriction.

But quickly the pain in my throat fades back as I gag and heave and feel the return of sexual feelings in my lower belly. I remember being throat fucked during my gang-bang until I puked up and I remember how good that felt - the feeling of surrender and the sexual arousal when I did that. This is the same - I am strangling and I can’t stop it. Brandon is going to let me die from my hanging so I let that sink in and suddenly it’s not so bad.

Radical acceptance.

I remember going to counselling after my gang-bang, confused about it being rape but cumming so many times, feeling terrified but aroused, and confused about my role. Was I a whore like people started calling me? My counsellor told me not to judge myself or dwell on the event. She said that radical acceptance was the way to get through it. It happened. It just happened.

I accepted my physical enjoyment of my gang-bang and I accept this.

My body is quivering and I’m choking and heaving, but I can’t change that so I let my body move on it’s own. My cunt swells and throbs and feels good. My asshole loosens and gapes and the dead vibrator in my rectum slowly slides out and falls to the floor and I fart long - it’s a deep sound so I know it’s wide open as my bum cheeks flutter.

A gentle rolling orgasm starts rippling through my belly and I completely surrender to it and it rolls on and on, up and down from the pit of my sex to my throat. Now I know how Siobahn felt and why she wanted this so bad. Her death must have been so intense; I’m in bliss and Brandon isn’t using the Magic Wand on me like he did for her. Out of the corner of my eye I can see him just standing and watching. I want his fingers inside me. I want his lips sucking my nipples. But I can’t have those things because I tried to call the police, and I accept that.

The cheeks of my bum flutter as I fart again - my bowels gurgling and moving inside me. The pulsing waves of my orgasm are growing stronger as is the heaving that pushes vomit up my gullet to gurgle back down. My mouth is watering like crazy and I am drooling, but I can taste a hint of bile so some of my vomit is making it past my tight throat.

I recall Siobahn’s words; “If this is life, I want out.” I’d agreed then, but now as this dark sensual storm floods my senses I don’t want out. I want this to go on forever. But I guess for me it will feel like forever - at least the only forever I have left.

I’m weightless now - floating - and my vision is tunneling so I know I’m fading fast. I’ll be dead soon, and I accept that. I’m growing confused, not sure where I am, who I’m with, what is happening ... but reality keeps coming back in a rush that slams into me and makes my body tingle ... but cumming ... cumming ... cumming ... my throat is tight ... like a cock in it ... my gang-bang - a man holding my hair, pressing his cock down my gullet ... no I’m strangling ... why? ... someone pulls a gag out of my mouth ... I wasn’t aware it was there ... cumming ... heaving ... vomiting up a bitter taste ... my belly is swelling ... or it feels that way ... but cumming ... cumming ... feels so sweet ... pissing myself now, hot piss spraying my inner thighs ... cumming ... non-stop orgasm ... my bowels like living things inside me ... they squirm in my belly ... feeling my loose rectum filling ... shitting myself and not caring ... hot liquid burning its way out of my tortured asshole to slide between my bum cheeks and down the back of my thighs ... cumming ... oh fuck, I’ve never had an orgasm that lasts this long ... floating ... falling ... cumming ... oh fuck me ... it never stops ...