I get sad sometimes. So sad that I don’t eat, don’t get out of my little bed, and don’t even go to my Suicide Sisters to watch the ‘cordings and sex each other up. I feel too hopeless and sad to even want to cum.
There are times when I just want to walk to the edge and step off, becoming a real Sky Dancer to crunch and splatter all bones and blood on the seement below.
When I’m this sad, people come to visit me and tell me I should be happy because we’re the Sky Dancer clan and we have ‘lectricity and white light, and the shitty little smoke-eaters below huddle around little fires in their holes. They tell me that I should be grateful because we never have to worry about raiders because we live so high up in the centre of Yawk.
But none of it makes me feel better, none of it helps. When I’m like this I’m sad right down to my soul and I want to die when I’m that sad, but I just don’t have the energy and death just looks just like an ending, not the great adventure the Suicide Sisters are bent for.
I’ve never been this sad before.
It started thirteen moons ago when I told Gern that I was thinking about going out and getting suicided. Gern told me it was my dooty to replace myself before I did, to get preggers and have a baby. I asked him if I could get preggers from Boucher’s dogs and have puppies instead, but he laughed at me - dogs can’t make human girls preggers, he said.
I told him that I let Weasel throw a fuck into me once in awhile, but it didn’t take ever. He asked if he fucked me in my bum or my cunt and I said bum. He said that seed dies in the bum, that to get preggers it had to be in the cunt.
Gern is our Chief because he’s smart that way - I never knew any of that shit.
And him saying that I had to replace myself before I went made sense too. So I let Gern fuck me in my cunt every night for a full moon cycle and it took one of those times.
Feeling my belly get bigger as the kid grew in there was fun. I didn’t even care about the morning puking, because I like puking - it feels like cumming; all straining and spewing junk up your throat like a cock does. It's funny thinking back that I would die sicking up with my belly swelling again and it would make me cum and cum. But I didn't know that yet because Crys hadn't been suicided yet.
What sucked about being preggers was I wasn’t allowed to forage or help on raids, on account of them wanting the kid. I told them that if I died they could just cut me open and take it but Gern said that hardly ever works.
So I had the kid. The pain was fine with me, and so was my cunt stretching, but after the kid was out, they put it all slimy and naked on my chest and I felt nothing for it. They said ‘nurse it’, but I wouldn’t - I didn’t want some stupid kid sucking milk out of me.
So they took the kid away and gave it to Deem who already had a kid and was nursing it, she loved it - she liked the feeling and now had two kids to suck both her nipples at the same time.
But after that I got sadder than I’ve ever been, and it lasted the last two moon cycles. I felt so alone, so hopeless. More than ever I contemplated just stepping off the edge just to end this sadness. I would lay in my bed and stare at the edge for hours, trying to find the energy and the will to do it.
It was Crys who saved me. She was one of my Suicide Sisters. She came to me during the day and just rolled me on my belly and tickled my back the way my mom did when I was little. She didn’t try to tell me I shouldn’t be sad. At night she would come to me and climb into my little bed and just hold me.
The third night I started to cry. She held me in her arms as I cried all night and finally fell asleep as the morning sun shone through our level.
When I awoke she was still there and I felt a little better. I realized that in my sadness, the world was grey and colourless. When I opened my eyes I saw the colour of her skin and hair; the pink of her lips. I reached out to her and she held me. I even drank a little soup that day.
Crys didn’t talk until the fifth day.
“I’m going.” she whispered as we snuggled.
“To be suicided?” I asked softly.
“Yes. During the moon in three days.”
“I want the Brute.”
I shuddered, having seen sisters suicided by the Brute - he was violent and killed girls slowly and in horrible ways.
“I want you to come say goodbye when I go.” Crys said, "And I want you to watch my 'cording."
I felt such love for her in that moment that my veil of sadness lifted from me. I stirred in her arms and we sexed each other up. And when the moon came, I was there and helped sex her up and said goodbye. I was sad, but it was a good sad.
The next day we watched the ‘cording. Weasel said he filmed it from inside a drain looking up, so all we could see was the bottom half of Brute, a steel table, and Crys’ kicking legs. The Brute was pushing a thing called a ‘toy let snake’ down her throat and gullet and into her stomach - it was a long spring thingy with a twisted hook on the end. No one can open a girl’s mouth if she clenches her jaw, (I learned that when I was little and older boys tried to stick their cocks in my mouth), so I know that Crys opened her mouth for the Brute and let him push that thing down her throat. She wanted it in there.
It was a long and intense death and I could tell it was sexy for Crys by the way she squeezed her thighs together between kicks. And when she squeezed them she strained hard - she always did that when she cummed. She choked and gagged and heaved for a long time before she died, but I counted her orgasms on my fingers and toes and I ran out of fingers and toes. I’m so happy Crys got what she wanted and it made me want the same thing.
Us girls were so turned on that we watched it over and over as we sexed each other. I told the sisters that I was thinking about going to the Brute too, so they took turns sticking their fingers hard down my throat and I cummed from that, so I made up my mind. I planned to go out the next moon.
Because my sadness was better and I had replaced myself by having a kid, Gern let me go with the trading mission to Neutral Bridge. As our people traded and dealed, I walked around until I saw the Brute. He’s a huge man with dark brown skin and a deep gravelly voice.
“Hi.” I said, and felt suddenly shy and awkward. I wondered if he would like me enough to suicide me, or would he just think I was an ugly, skinny little girl. He just stood and stared down at me with his dark eyes.
“I saw you suicide Crys.” I said, the word ‘suicide’ catching in my throat. He looked puzzled and I realized that names didn’t mean anything to him.
“She was wearing boots like mine.” I explained, “You pushed that long thing down her gullet.”
He smiled at that. Not a nice smile, but at least he remembered her.
“The toilet snake.” he said.
“Her cunt was dripping.” he said, “She liked it.”
“Yeah, I saw she did on the ‘cording. You made her cum lots.” I agreed, then took my chances; “Would you do that to me? I cum from that too.”
“I’ve done that already.” he chuckled, “I'd like to do a different thing to you.”
“What kind of thing?”
“I found that snake in the cellar of a plumber stash. Along with other stuff.”
“What’s a ‘plummer’?”
“They cleaned out plugged pipes when there was house water.” he said, “Sometimes with the snake, and sometimes with other things. If you like sicking up I think you will like one of the other things.”
“Will you tell me?”
“How can I find you?”
“Weasel knows.” the Brute smiled, “He’ll bring you next moon if you’re willing.”
When I talked to Weasel he said; yes - he could take me to Brute. We told the sisters that I would be going out next moon to meet the Brute. They were happy and so was I.
Before the next moon, I gave my journal it Kip. It’s the thing I write down all the suicides in. It was my job in the Sisterhood, now it is Kip’s.
I also started eating again to build up my strength, and got sexed up with all the sisters. Now that I had a kid, my cunt is loose, so I loved it when they used their hands on me, well - in me. Their whole hand. Fuck, that feels amazing. I only wished I could do that more than the few days before the moon arrives.
And now it is the morning of the moon ...
Some sisters come by and give me breakfast and we talk about our time together and our favourite 'cordings. After I eat, they sex me up and stick fingers hard down my throat and I cum for them. That’s what they say; ‘cum for us’ and I do. I even sick up some of my breakfast and we laugh at that.
After they leave, I have a nap - I sleep a long time. I don’t have anyone else to say goodbye to, because most of the clan don’t like me. They call me a dirty girl because I let Boucher’s dog fuck me. I don’t care. It’s why I joined the Suicide Sisters - they don’t care who or what I fuck.
When I wake up, the sun is high up, so I get dressed and go down to Boucher’s level. As I go I am followed by a gang of kids. They follow me sometimes because I guess I’m a novelty - even though their moms and dads say not to, they get a kick out of watching me fuck a dog. Boucher tells me I can fuck his dog one last time, so I do.
I love fucking dogs - they’re so savage and fuck hard and deep. So I strip down and get on my hands and knees and Boucher’s dog licks me for a bit. Then I suck him until he’s hard, then he mounts me.
Boucher sits and watches like he always does, and I hear the kids giggling. The kids are watching me too, they make fun of me - call me ‘dirty girl’ but I see the looks on some of their faces; this excites them. I am sure that some of them - girls and boys - will sneak down here one day and let one of the dogs fuck them too.
Boucher’s dog pounds me hard and deep and I can feel his knot swell inside me and his cum squirt deep in me, filling me to overflowing so it dribbles down the inside of my shaky thighs. Oh my how I love this.
Boucher says he has a treat for me, and brings me one of his guard dogs. I’ve never fucked a guard dog before - they’re almost wild, and so savage. It growls as he fucks me and he pounds me harder that Boucher’s pet dog, and sometimes grabs the back of my neck in his jaws, squeezing with his sharp teeth. His knot is huge so I’m latched to him and he cums three times inside me.
By the time he’s done with me and his fat knot pops out with that sweet pinch of pain, the sun is setting. Moms call their kids with angry voices and Boucher puts his guard dog back on the level he patrols.
I’m trembling as I get dressed, and my legs are weak and wobbly as I climb down to the ground level where the sisters and Weasel are waiting. I can feel dog cum leaking into the crotch of my short pants and down my inner thighs as I walk to the sisters. We all hug and say goodbye, then Weasel and I head out into the square canyons of Yawk.
“You okay?” Weasel asks, a look of concern on his face after I stumble three times.
“My legs are weak.” I say.
“No.” I say, then realize I'm lying - my wobbly legs aren’t just from being fucked all afternoon.
“Yes.” I admit.
“It’s not far.” Weasel says, "And the Brute is pretty fast. Somes like to torture, but with him it's all dying."
We walk in silence for awhile, hearing men’s hard laughter and a girl screaming in the distance. It’s a hard world for girls - it’s one of the reasons the Sisterhood formed; so we could choose who suicided us.
“I have something I need to tell you.” Weasel says.
“You know how I find the perfect places to ‘cord the sisters’ suicides?”
“Yeah. You’re really good at that, Weasel.”
“No I’m not.” Weasels admits, “I have a deal with the some of the clans - I bring them willing girls and they let me ‘cord it.”
We walk without talking for a few minutes.
“Do you hate me for that?” Weasel asks, breaking the silence.
“No.” I say - and it’s true, I’m not mad, “I’m glad actually. I know you’ll take me to Brute, which is what I want. And you'll stay with me while I'm suicided.”
"Don't think it will matter much." he says, "The girls get kind of selfish-like when it starts - all turned into themselves. Can't say as I blame them, they get selfish becuase their suiciding is so intense."
The moon is high when we come to an old seement building with viny plants crawling up it, and Weasel leads me inside. We go down a wide hallway to the end where I can see light coming out of a doorway.
But when Brute steps through the doorway and faces us my legs start to give out.
I whimper and have to lean against the wall, but even that doesn’t help and I slide down - my legs just won’t hold me up anymore.
There: It’s true - I’m so fucking scared. I’m going to be suicided! Will it make me cum? Or will it just be horrible?
The Brute comes to me and slides his strong hands into my slippery armpits - I can smell my stinky fear-sweat. He lifts me back up and I get my feet under me, but they still don’t work.
“No-no.” he says calmly in his deep voice, carrying me through the doorway and down some stairs, my toes dragging on the floor. I am shaky and I feel sick to my stomach. I feel like a helpless little girl again being taken to my first rape.
“I’ll take care of you.” he says.
My mouth is dry and my head is spinning as he drags me through a blue tarp. He puts me down in a chair. There are two big jugs and a pail of something that smells really bad inside this little room made of tarps. He makes me put my hands behind my back and ties them to the chair.
As Weasel sets up his camra, the Brute picks up one of the jugs and drags the pail of foulness closer.
“Stinks.” I say, trying to move my nose away from the smell.
“Pig guts.” Brute says, and pours half a jug of the pipe cleaner into the pail. "Watch" he says. Instantly it starts to sizzle and sputter, the pig guts dissolving into a churning mound of pink foam with chunks of guts in it. There’s smoky gas rising from it.
“Holy shit.” I whisper breathlessly - I see where this is going.
“Your friend sicked up.” the Brute says, carrying the foaming pail outside the tarp room, “So will you. More than her.”
I have no words as I stare up into his dark eyes.
“You need to swallow.” he says.
“I’m scared.” I whimper. I can’t do this. I can’t fucking do this.
He nods and smiles and picks up the full jug, twisting the cap off.
“I’m ready.” Weasel says and I see the little red dot light up on the camra.
The Brute lifts the jug to my lips. Oh sisters - here it comes!
“Open.” he commands.
I open my mouth, my jaw quivering, and he starts to pour. It fills my mouth, it tastes horrible and it burns.
“Swallow-swallow-swallow.” he tells me.
It’s burning my mouth so bad but I swallow, forcing it down. My throat and my gullet burn like fire and I feel it flow down into my belly - it burns there too but not as bad. I gag, heave, and sick some of it up - but it’s not all liquid; there’s already foam. I swallow more and wash the foam back down. The Brute keeps pouring it in me. I am kicking and struggling on the chair, but I still do what he says; gulping and swallowing the liquid - I think about my sisters watching the ‘cording and sexing each other up for moons to come. The thought makes me horny and I start squeezing my thighs together as I struggle. I feel the last of the dog cum squeezing out of my cunt as my thighs and my cunt tighten.
He keeps pouring and it’s all I can do to keep up, swallowing and swallowing and swallowing, forcing it down into my belly as it convulses and tries to sick it back up. The burning goes away in my mouth and throat, but not in my belly - I feel it foaming inside me, swelling me, and my burping and sicking up is sexing me up strong.
I remember Gern teaching us about burns, how if the burn hurts it’s good. That the bad burns stop hurting, but are dangerous and will fester and you could die from it.
I’m going to die from this, that’s for sure. And that thought gives me my first cum.
My belly is bloating bad and I feel a heat building there - a heat that starts up high and spreads all over and down inside my belly. The bloating is spreading too - I can hear my belly gurgling and my short pants are getting tight at the waist. It is like a living thing inside me, filling me, bloating me, expanding my belly and bowels. It's a monster poured out of a magical jug and it's violent inside me.
I keep sicking up in strong, tight heaves and now I taste blood. I can’t stop sicking up even to catch a breath - my stomach is rebelling; trying to squeeze this burning liquid monster up out of me. But I like the sicking up part - each heave is a small cum; and I can’t stop it, it just happens over and over - my belly convulsing like my cunt does when I cum ... and I do cum, over and over. Oh please let me keep cumming!
Quickly I feel feverish - sick feverish - dizzy and so very sick. This moster inside me ... a monster that is poisoning me as it grows and eats at my guts. And the violence inside my belly doesn’t stop and my sicking up doesn’t slow. I feel my belly getting hotter and the bloating is spreading deep down now, swelling behind my cunt. My skin is beading sweat from the heat in my belly. My guts are gurgling as the the monster foams and swells up, growing fast inside me.
I realize that my body is tense - that I've been fighting what is happening to me. I don't want to die fighting this and I can't stop what is happening inside me so I let it all go - I relax my body, letting this just happen. I piss myself, then I feel my bum hole opening and I shit myself, my hole burning like sweet fire. This feels better - I love the ecstasy of letting go - of giving in to it. ... oh, take me monster ... take all of me ... eat me alive ...
The glug-glug of the jug stops and the Brute takes it away, but I am still on my chair and I’m still swelling up as my belly churns and gurgles. I look down and watch my belly get big and tight like when I was preggers, pushing over the waist of my short pants. My stomach is still trying to sick up, but nothing is coming up my throat - just dry-heaving over and over. Fuck, I can’t breathe!
... oh sisters! ... my suicide's coming! ... it's coming so fast!
Things are swelling and popping inside my guts, foam and liquid flowing out of my bum hole. I am dripping sweat all over, my skin slick with it. My belly settles some - I’m no longer sicking up, just little burps that bubble and gurgle up my gullet.
Feeling weak ... my belly so hot inside ... so bloated ... so swollen ... my little body gross and fat and sweaty ... but cumming ... still cumming ... this monster in my belly ... stay with me monster ... please stay ...
The room spinning, rolling upside down. Darkness creeping in around the edges, stealing the world from my eyes. I can still hear the gurgling, and now my cumming is slow and loose inside - like the feeling of a good stretch and fart in the morning.
I’ve gone blind, but I don't care - the stretchy cum is still inside me. The monster still growling in my belly.
And I’m sleepy. So-so-so sleepy.
... goodnight sisters ...