When I came here I was a girl with no breasts named Tara. For the past three years I have been a sexual slave named Cunt and now I have breasts. Sometimes the sex feels good even though it is mostly always brutal rape, but I suppose you can get used to anything.
We’ve moved a lot since the rebels took me. For months at a time we lived under tarps in the steaming jungle, under torrential rain or sun that flickered through the canopy of trees above us. Occasionally, like now, Thomas finds an abandoned work camp deep in the jungle and we live in relative comfort. We still have to squat over a trench to piss or shit, but at least we have roofs over us when it rains.
My home right now is an old shack that smells like diesel and solvent. I suppose it was a storage shed they kept fuel in when the camp was operating, now it’s my home, where the men come to rape me. Paris is in a shed beside mine, hers just smells like sour earth.
I’m on my seventh man tonight; one of the newer recruits named Jorge. He is taking me anally and my asshole burns, but it’s feeling sexual too. Paris and I are the only girls who lived long enough to be given to the rebel soldiers out of our ‘generation’. Thomas and his inner circle like their girls younger - girls with narrow hips and tiny breasts, or no breasts at all. So Paris and I are too old for them now. The other three girls who were taken with us are all dead - two from hanging themselves, and one from a disease that swelled up her tummy and gave her a bad fever.
I used to be one of the special girls - the young ones. Like all the young ones, I used to cry and sob when I was raped by Thomas and his circle. Then, as I started to get used to it I would strain and grunt and squirm. Then at last I started to have orgasms, so it became good to be raped. It was even better when Thomas was able to get drugs.
When I was one of the special girls I was fed and allowed to bathe. Sometimes the men would give me small gifts, one even pierced my nipples so I would have jewelry. But when I grew breasts and my hips started to widen, I was given to the soldiers. The gifts they give me are stale bread and bananas, which is why I got fat.
I feel sick a lot of the time - weak and shivery.
But I still enjoy most of my rapes, like now; Jorge is pounding me harder, his body slamming against my bum is making wet slapping sounds that are loud in the small confines of my shed, and I am slick with sweat. I am panting and straining as I feel my belly tighten on its way to an orgasm - I love the sweet pain when my belly clenches hard and I orgasm, and some of the soldiers say they love the sounds I make - they say I strain and grunt like a little piglet.
I hear Jorge start to growl like men do as they start to cum and he slams deep and hard into me and that sets off my own orgasm. I buck and squirm and he grasps my hips tight in his hands as he grinds himself into me, holding my bum tight to his crotch so I can’t get away. But I don’t want to get away, in fact I press the heels of my hands into the dirt floor and push back against him as his throbbing cock pulses ropes of cum into my bowels. And I strain and grunt as my belly clenches hard and my body vibrates.
I’m still in the middle of my orgasm, when Jorge is finished.
“Clean my cock.” he grumbles as he pulls out of me.
I know better than to hesitate, so I scramble around on my knees and face him. He has stood up, so I take his cock in my mouth and swallow it deep, sucking and gagging the way men always like it. I can taste the musky flavour of my own rectum. My belly is still clenching and my pelvis rolling as I suck him clean, my orgasm making my head spin and body tremble.
When Jorge pulls his cock from my mouth, I tighten my lips and milk the last of his cum then swallow it. Jorge pulls up his pants and does up his belt, then ruffles my hair with his hand.
“You’re a good girl.” he says and leaves my shack.
I can hear Paris moaning in her shack - she is being fucked by a soldier - I listen as I sit and wait to see if another will want me. No one comes for me, so I rise and go outside and walk naked to the latrine trench. I squat with my feet on either side of the trench and push and feel and hear the cum burbling out of my asshole. Then I pee.
I usually savour the feeling of expelling cum, but tonight I am worried. Yesterday I saw one of the patrols come back from a three day patrol - Thomas sends them out to raid villages for food and supplies continually. These men returned from raiding a Christian mission with sacks of food and some guns and ammunition, but they also returned with three new girls. Thomas was delighted as he greeted them and stripped the girls to examine them. They were all white girls, young and of the three, only one had the pink puffy nipples that told me that she was starting her change.
“Beautiful!” Thomas had called out to his men, “There will be some changes here, true?”
And his men all laughed when they saw it was safe because Thomas was laughing too.
I knew what those changes would be.
When I was young and brought to Thomas from my village, I too was stripped bare and examined. Then I was taken to the warehouse Thomas was using as a headquarters were I learned my new name and my new purpose - I was a slave with three holes - a “fuck toy” Thomas said. For two days I screamed, I cried, I bled, and I puked as I learned what my holes were for. In the evening of the second day, a girl was brought to us. She was dressed in new clothes and Thomas joked with his men that this stupid cunt believed him when he told her that she was going home.
“She’s too old and too fat.” he had said as he pinned her to the wall, “Her home is in the latrine, that’s the home she’ll be buried in.”
I saw then that he had a push dagger in his right fist. He punched her hard in the belly with it and blood spurted from her wound. Thomas pressed the dagger deep and twisted it and the girl doubled over and vomited. Thomas stabbed her over and over in her belly and her death was a brutal violent thing. At first she begged him to stop, then she begged him to finish her, then she couldn’t beg for anything as she gagged and heaved as he tore up her guts.
They dropped her face down in the latrine trench, still in her new clothes, still alive.
I know that tonight, the three girls who have lived in Thomas’ headquarters will be sent down to the soldiers because they are growing breasts. One of them will arrive at the door to my shack, and I will be called to Thomas and I will be murdered. The only unsure thing is how.
I walk back to my shack and think about dying tonight. I feel peculiar, because it doesn’t scare me as much as it should. Maybe it’s because this life is all I’ve known - memories of my family are hazy - my whole life seems like it has been rape and abuse.
Weary is a better word.
I scrape the mud off my bare feet on the sisal mat in front of my doorway and flip back the chunk of blue tarp that is my door. My replacement isn’t here yet.
I sit on my damp mattress and wait. In the distance I can hear the music and rough voices and laughter of Thomas and his men coming from his headquarters. Occasionally I hear a girl’s shriek or a sobbing voice telling someone to please stop. They’re breaking in the new girls, and maybe that’s why no one has come for me - they want to know these girls are keepers before they clean out the older ones.
I hear footsteps approach, but I can tell who it is by the uneven sound. It’s Ped who limps badly because one leg is shorter than the other. Ped pulls back my tarp and peeks in.
I nod and he hobbles in, unzipping his pants. I like Ped. He’s kind and cheerful and I feel sorry for him because of his leg. But he is the most stealthy of the soldiers; despite his short leg, he can crawl quickly and silently and his specialty is cutting the throats of sleeping people.
I take his soft cock in my mouth and begin working it with my tongue. Ped moans and closes his eyes. The other thing I like about Ped is that his cock isn’t that big - erect he barely touches my throat - and he cums quickly. I gently cradle his balls in my hand and fuck him with my mouth and within a minute he is hard as steel and in another minute I feel the head of his cock swell as he pumps his cum in me, his hips thrusting as I swallow. When he is done and I suck his cock clean, he zips back up and bends to kiss the top of my head.
“Thank you, little one.” he whispers.
“Thank you, Ped.” I answer as he gazes down at me, “Thank you for always being gentle.”
“You know …” he starts then hesitates, “Tonight … you know.”
“I can make it quick, almost painless.” he offers, “The knife.”P
ed keeps his knife so sharp that it causes almost no pain. And it’s tempting, letting him cut my throat and choking as I quickly bleed out. But I shake my head.
“Thank you, Ped, but no.”
“Thomas isn’t gentle. It will hurt.”
Ped gazes sadly at me for a moment so I smile.
“I understand, little one.” he says and kisses the top of my head and leaves me in my shack.
I listen to Ped’s uneven footsteps as he walks to Paris’ shack. Low murmuring voices. Soft muffled sobbing. Ped’s low murmuring voice comforting her.
Then Paris gagging hard and clattering sounds - I imagine her legs kicking and knocking things over - and Ped making ‘shushing’ sounds. Paris heaving gutturally. Then things quiet to wet choking that only last a minute. Finally, Ped’s footsteps walking away.
Paris has chosen the fast, less painful way, and I must admit that as I listened to Ped cutting her throat and her choking and gagging, I felt a sexual throb deep in my lower belly. Just like I felt the same throb when I saw Thomas stab the older girl’s belly my second night. It seems right that I should complete the circle, that the young ones should watch me. I will show them how to die, and that thought too makes my sex throb.
I lay down on my mat and await my summons. I masturbate and cum and fall asleep.
“Wake up, cunt.”
The voice is deep and rough. I open my eyes and see that it is Monstruo standing in my shack, holding a top and a short skirt. Beside him is one of Thomas’ special girls, her breasts budding, tipped with puffy nipples. I sit up.
“Thomas gives you these.” Monstruo says, “Get dressed, he’s letting you go.”
I look at the clothes and smile.
“I won’t need clothes where I’m going.” I say and look up into his eyes.
Monstruo stares at me a moment, then smiles.
“No. You won’t. But Thomas wants you dressed anyway.”
“It’s going to happen right now?” I say, feeling a little flutter in my lower belly as I pull on the short top and the blue plaid shorts.
I rise - my legs weak and wobbly now that it’s time, I pass the nervous girl and follow Monstruo up the hill. Two men are carrying Paris’ bloody body from her shed as another girl stands and watches, they clear out her new home. As we pass the latrine trench I look down into the soupy slime, and know that my body will soon be thrown in there face down. The idea scares and excites me.
Walking through the camp the men pretend I’m not there, and the wives give me looks. I’m used to the looks. Half of the women are grateful for girls like me because it prevents their own rape - before Thomas started to give his discarded girls to the soldiers, rapes would happen regularly and revenge murders would follow. The other half look down their noses at us, thinking us whores - but whores sometimes can choose, we can’t. We are sex slaves.
As we near Thomas’ headquarters I notice that the music has stopped. I hear the girls first; one sobbing, crying that it hurts; another vomiting and gasping; the third moaning her way to an orgasm. And the deep grunts of men fucking and cumming. And Thomas’ chuckling laughter - savouring rape and pain never gets old for Thomas - he is a true sadist.
As we enter the old warehouse I see that the lanterns are turned low, but it is bright to my eyes coming in from the night. All three girls are being used but it is the smell that I notice first.
The room reeks of sweat and sex and marijuana.
On my way past the table where Thomas keeps the drugs and wine when he has them, I take three tablets from a bowl and slip them under my tongue. Three is too many, but I know that I won’t live long enough to overdose.
Thomas sees me and smiles.
“Tara, my darling memory.” he says, “Come join the girls for a few minutes.”
Thomas is the only one who remembers my name.
I look at the girls and memories of my first two days come to me and my heart goes out to them but at the same time I envy them. All of them are sweating, all have puddles of sour vomit near their faces from their first experience with throat fucking, and all smell of cunt and that musky sweet smell of freshly fucked rectums.
One girl is sobbing and grimacing as one of the lieutenants fucks her ass. Her tight small bum is clenched and trembling. I look at his cock and see it is white where her anus is gripping it tight.
I go back to the table and pick up a popper, then go to the girl who is still sobbing as her man continues to forcefully fuck her from behind. Her armpits reek of fear-sweat and her body is tight and trembling. I stroke her flushed sweaty face.
“You didn’t take the drugs.” I say.
“… No …” she grunts as the lieutenant keeps thrusting into her.
“You must take them. At least at first.” I tell her as I open the popper and put it under her nose, “Breathe deep.”
She sniffs, coughs, then breathes in through her nose.
“Again. Two more times.” I say as I hold the popper to her nose, “Take it in, little one.”
She sniffs the popper deep, drawing the amyl nitrate into her lungs and as I watch, her eyelids droop and she stops sobbing.
Her bum loosens and her man’s cock glides in and out of her with less resistance. She moans. I know what she just felt; a warm flood through her body, her muscles loosening, and her anus opening like a flower. Now she feels his cock deep in her body and it’s overwhelming and sweet.
The second girl lays on her side, her man gripping her hair with one hand, fucking her throat while he fingers her cunt with his fat fingers of the other hand. She is gagging and puking up foamy spit and cum, but while I watch, her body curls and shudders through an orgasm. She’ll be okay - I suspect she took the offered drugs. Smart girl.
The third girl is face down on a cum-stained fur, her bum high and her cheek resting on the fur. She is in bliss as she too is fucked deep in her bare cunt. She opens her eyes and they focus on my own, her expression changes and we share a fleeting moment; we are sisters - she shares the immeasurable bliss she is feeling in that look and I recall how it felt when it first felt good. She is the new girl and I am the old. She is embarking on the same journey as I took - she fresh and new, I used up and ready to die. Only three years separate us, but she doesn’t care about how short three years is; she is living in this moment.
I envy her.
And soon, when Thomas makes her watch what he is about to do to me, she may envy me as I envied the older girl. She may embrace her fate as I embraced mine. I am about to be murdered for their education.
I lay down on the fur along side this girl and masturbate, not to orgasm, but to prepare myself for what is to come. The tablets have dissolved in my mouth and the MDMA is coursing through my bloodstream, giving me false energy, and making every nerve ending in my body crave stimulation.
I watch the girl with me have three orgasms with two different men. Then I hear the puking girl straining and grunting. She is now on her back, a new man cradled between her open thighs, and he is pounding her hard, his cock slamming into her body.
“… oh god! … oh god! … oh god! …” she grunts over and over, her senses flooded by the bright mixture of pain and pleasure. I watch as she reaches up and lays her hands, not on his chest to push him away, but on his hips to pull him into her. Two day’s ago she was a virgin, now she’s a slut and loving it. She will feel shame tomorrow morning after the drugs and exhaustion wear off, but she will get used to it. We all get used to it except the few who hang themselves - they choose hanging because twine and rope are always available, but weapons aren’t.
I am now sinking into that drug and sexual arousal induced state that blurs the world and turns us inward to feel only the wonderful sensations in our bodies.
Sexual bliss, and my fingers snaked up one leg of my loose shorts keeps me there.
Through blurry eyes I see Thomas whispering in Monstruo’s ear. Monstruo nods and leaves the building.
The puking girl cries out in orgasm, wrapping her calves around her man’s hips. The girl beside me is lost in bliss, being fucked anally now. Even the crying girl is moaning as another man is fucking her tight, round bum.
I find myself fluttering on the edge of an orgasm, my belly muscles quivering. I stop masturbating and roll onto my back, shivering as it passes. I can’t cum yet, I want to be horny when they kill me.
I hear shuffling footsteps and crane my neck; Monstruo has returned with about thirty soldiers who shuffle into the building and gather by the large open door that was made large for trucks and machines.
“Turn the girls.” Thomas commands, “Let them suck your cocks while they watch.” And I know this is it, they are to watch me.
The men roll the girls onto their bellies and move them so they are kneeling, then slide their erect cocks under their mouths. The girls are already well trained - each takes the offered cock into their mouths.
I look up and Thomas is standing over me, smiling. His left hand is extended.
“Come Tara.” he smiles, “It’s your time, baby.”
I take his hand with my left and pick up the popper with my right as he lifts me to my feet. I’m woozy and dizzy and scared as he leads me to the wall, but I sniff the popper anyway as I walk on wobbly legs. He makes me stand with my back to the wall, facing the girls, facing my audience.
“You.” Thomas calls two men, “Come join me.”
They come and stand on either side of me, each taking an arm and pinning me to the wall.
“Did watching these young cunts arouse you?” Thomas asks, smiling as he holds up a very long butcher’s knife.
“Yes, Thomas.” I whisper.
“Are you horny?”
“You know you’re going to die now?”
“Are you ready?”
Thomas smiles at me and tightens his grip on the butcher’s knife, pressing the tip into my belly button.
“Watch Tara, girls” he says over his shoulder, then leans into the knife.
And they do watch, their young faces flushed and covered with cum, their eyes watching in wonderment as Thomas kills me. For a fleeting moment I see the memory of the older girl being stabbed in the belly and puking as I watched and knowing then that it was a matter of time before I would be the one there against the wall.
I wonder if these girls know now that this will be their fate if they don’t despair and hang themselves. I wonder if they will judge as I judged that years of sexual bliss may be worth these final moments of agony. But my thoughts are torn away from these thoughts as I feel the blossom of pain in my abdomen.
The steel slides sensually into my belly, penetrating me like all the cocks have penetrated me these past years. The pain flares in my skin and belly muscles clench as though trying to grip the blade. Then deeper into my bowels which squirm within me as they are sliced and punctured. I hear myself groaning as I try to lift myself upward, away from this steel death that slides so effortlessly into my gut. My right leg lifts, opening my thighs, my body craving a cock inside me as I begin to feel the sexual pull of this method of death.
The knife feels longer than it looked, it is sliding, sliding, sliding, seemingly without end. I am once again a virgin, being penetrated. My body a vessel for this invasive thing, as it was once a vessel for Thomas’ cock - my first cock; pressed down my throat, ripping into my cunt, then my anus. And now his knife is my last penetration by him.
At last I feel Thomas press the hilt of the knife into my belly button … it is all the way in and I feel the tip scraping the side of my spine.
I don’t like that feeling, so I push my belly outward, making it bigger and rounder.
Thomas smiles and holds the knife deep, pressing hard as I feel my cunt and uterus contracting and loosening in rhythm, my anus clench and gape.
“Oh God.” I grunt.
“Is it good, baby?” Thomas hisses in my ear.
“… yes … Thomas …” I grunt, and he starts fucking me with the blade - in and out of my stomach - changing the angle, reaching things inside me never before reached. I grunt and gag, then my lips curl as a little vomit slides up my throat to flow from the corners of my mouth. I make a wet, guttural sound - a sound of desperation.
I’m dying now, I can feel it. Something is fluttering inside my belly - he has cut a large artery. I piss myself. My anus gapes and I feel runny shit slithering down the backs of my thighs.
My legs lose their strength and I slump, pulling Thomas’ hand down, the blade pivoting inside me. I feel it compress then slice into my uterus and cunt as Thomas pulls it out.
“One last treat.” I hear Thomas dimly, like he’s far away. Then I feel the blade between my thighs, lifting and pressuring my slit. Then the quick upward slice and it burns through my clit.
I hear myself grunt loudly - I’m cumming now, being held up by the arms, my belly convulsing. This last orgasm hurts - my lower belly is a throbbing ball of ecstasy and pain.
“Get her out of here.” I hear Thomas as he turns away.
And I am being dragged, my legs useless, my bare toes scraping the concrete floor. Then the dirt. My belly is still convulsing in pulses and I am making wordless guttural sounds. I smell the latrine trench just before they release me. I splash face down in the soupy filth.
Will the new girls come to see my body tomorrow morning, like I went to see that other girl? Will they feel that tug in their sex as I did, knowing that I was just like her and would one day be discarded?
My life; just a throwaway girl.