I no longer remember my name in this darkness.
He has left one of his tools deep in my abdomen from when he explored me. Itís hard and moves when I move. I think it is metal because it feels sharp.
I have screamed so much my throat is raw, but I am done screaming - I no longer have the will nor hope that my screams matter. The other girls screamed as well as he moved between us, giving each of us equal attention. There were three of us when this started and now one girl is silent and I think dead. The other girl just moans and grunts as I hear him doing wet things to her body. I hear occasional sounds of heavy things splatting on the floor. I think he is taking her apart.
I no longer remember my name. Who I was has been lost in the haze of pain and blood in this dark place. I have lost myself and I am becoming part of this darkness.
I sag, allow myself to hang limp from the ropes that bind me. Sometimes my insides clench involuntarily and I feel the piss and runny shit flowing down my inner thighs. Or maybe itís blood. I no longer care.
I see his boots appear on the floor to my right side, walking past. The ropes tug at me then come free and I fall to my knees, curling forward around the pain that lances through my core.
I let my body slump. Iím surrendering - Iím no longer willing to fight it, no longer willing to cry or beg.
He reaches up inside me and though I will myself to be still and flaccid, my body betrays me; my muscles slowly clench, pushing my belly out and opening myself for his hand ... his wrist ... his forearm. He reaches so deep insde me that my toes curl. He grabs hold of his tool and begins to move it and the pain is sharp and exquisite - the purest thing I've ever known. The sac of my stomach tightens and I retch and heave tendrils of bile onto the filthy floor as he begins to take me apart.
I no longer remember my name in this darkness Ö
Ö I become the darkness.